Think about the last time you sat in a meeting where an important decision was made.
People asked thoughtful questions, a recommendation was discussed, and before long everyone seemed comfortable moving forward. From the outside, it looked like the decision happened in that room.
In reality, there's a good chance it had been taking shape for days or even weeks. By the time everyone gathered together, the difficult conversations had already happened and the recommendation had already been strengthened.
Understanding how decisions are made in large organizations will fundamentally change how you build support for your own ideas as you move toward Director and beyond.
When I first became a project manager, I had a weekly one-on-one with my director. I looked forward to those conversations because they gave us space to brainstorm together. I brought ideas that weren't fully formed, she would ask me questions I hadn't considered, and we often found ourselves challenging each other's assumptions. In less than an hour, we left with a much stronger approach than either of us started with. When it came time to present the idea to our Vice President, it always seemed like the idea was well received.
At the time, I assumed that was simply how good ideas moved through an organization. Only later did I realize those one-on-ones with my director were actually a form of alignment.
It wasn't until I introduced a new idea for the first time in a larger meeting that I began to understand what had really been happening.
Suddenly, the same leaders who happily explored ideas with me in private became much more cautious. Questions came earlier. People focused on raising risks about my idea instead of possibilities. Sometimes the conversation drifted away before the idea had a chance to fully develop.
Eventually I stopped asking myself whether those ideas were better or worse. Instead, I began asking myself:
Why did the same people react differently simply because we were in a different setting?
Over time, I realized the change had very little to do with the quality of the idea. As more stakeholders entered the conversation, people became more conscious of how the discussion might affect other departments, existing priorities, or even their own credibility. Supporting a new direction in front of a room full of peers carries far more weight than exploring it privately.
That's when I finally gave this principle a name.
The Unwritten Rule:
Gain alignment before you get to the big room.
As your responsibilities grow, you'll discover that one of the most important parts of your job is preparing the decision long before the meeting ever takes place.
Sometimes that preparation happens during a one-on-one with your manager. Other times it's a conversation with a partner in another department. It might even be several short chat messages or an email chain over the course of a week.
The purpose isn't to convince people behind closed doors. It's to give people an opportunity to think through the idea before they're asked to support it.
Senior leaders aren't trying to maximize debate in the big room. They're trying to reduce uncertainty. By the time a recommendation reaches that meeting, everyone should already understand it well enough to have confidence in the direction. As they look around the room, they can see that same confidence reflected in everyone else.
The result is that important decisions sometimes feel surprisingly easy. Not because they were easy, but because someone did the difficult work of gaining alignment beforehand.
The meeting isn't where alignment is created. It's where alignment becomes visible.id the difficult work of interpreting complexity, rather than asking everyone else to do it.
Try this tomorrow:
Think about an initiative you're currently working on that will eventually require approval from several leaders.
Before you begin polishing the presentation or scheduling the meeting, ask yourself:
Who needs an opportunity to shape this before I ask them to approve it?
Then reach out to them. That might mean scheduling a one-on-one, picking up the phone, walking down the hall, or sending an email asking for fifteen minutes to chat.
Here's the thing—you can't think of those conversations as interruptions to your work.
They are the work.
As you meet with each stakeholder, pay attention to more than whether they agree or not. Listen for recurring concerns, assumptions you thought everyone shared, and language that perks up their ears. You might uncover a legitimate issue or discover relationship dynamics you couldn't have seen on your own. Occasionally, someone will give you the exact words that help the broader group understand the recommendation.
Every one of those conversations makes the recommendation stronger. By the time you walk into the larger meeting, very little should surprise you—or anyone else in attendance.
That's when you know you've done the real work before you ever entered the room.
And that, my friends, is one of the many subtle shifts that will propel you to Director and beyond.
Until next time,
Andy
ABOUT UNWRITTEN RULES
The next level of your career isn't earned by having all the answers.
It's earned by becoming the person people trust when the answers aren't obvious.
Every Tuesday and Friday, Unwritten Rules reveals what experienced leaders see that everyone else misses—and helps you recognize those patterns in your own work.
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